FUNNY QUOTES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD

A long day of work and a boring schedule must make your life sad and depressed, So you should change your style for life.

everybody knows that laughter is the best medicine for a positive life. You should try some funny quotes for fun and crazy vibes.

Here are some funny quotes which make you laugh out loud. So please check it out for more laughs.

  1. “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
  2. “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” – David Dinkins
  3. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
  4. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
  5. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
  6. “Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.” – Ronald Regan
  7. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” – Anton Chekhov
  8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” – Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

12. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

13. “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

14. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.” – Unknown

15. “True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.” – Unknown

16. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

17. “Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin.

18. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

19. “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill

20. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

21.”There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -​ Kin Hubbard

22. “Am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

23. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

24. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

25. “I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

26. “What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley

27. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” – Unknown

28. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch

29. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” Bertrand Russell

30. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” – Bertrand Russell

31. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres

32. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.”

33. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

34. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” – Anonymous

35. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” –Rodney Dangerfield

36. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms

37. “An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer

38. “They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one!!” – Unknown

39. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” – Joan Rivers

40. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” – Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

41. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” – Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

42. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” – Jimmy Kimmel

43. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

44. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly

45. “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.” – Billy Connolly

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